When I woke up, I found out that a smile was drawn on my face yet a drop of tear leaving one side of my eyes. I never felt this happy and this sad before, this could be the first time. I looked straight up at my closet; where my SHINee's, Big Bang's and FT Island's poster were placing on the side of my closet. My eyes caught at GD. He appeared in my dream; a wonderful, happy, beautiful, cute, sweet, comfortable yet sad dream. He was my brother, the only sibling that I had in my dream. In my dream, we don't even have mom and dad; just living in the world without parents. He's the only one who take care of me, being my comfortable blanket. Let me borrow his shoulder to cry on. He was so nice to me, I love him so much. Having him as my brother is something heavenly. But it was all a dream. I could still remember every single detail about it. I was in my room; waking up from my deep sleep. He was the one who woke me up; with his caring, loving voice. He smiled to me as I opened my eyes. He told me that he will take me out for an outing after our breakfast. I got myself up and aiming for the bathroom. I washed up and ready for the outing. Went down to have my breakfast with him. He was there, waiting for me with a smile. We ate while having a little chat.
We went out, it was snowing and totally cold out there. He took me by his hand and we walked along the houses. My foot stopped from walking as I past by a house, I looked at the house; feeling like going in but GD dragged me with him. Somehow I felt something wrong, but I just couldn't figure it out. I tried to get rid the image of the house, but I failed. In my way, I kept on thinking the house and the event that I was supposed to be at. I just know that I need to enter that house. I stopped again making GD stopped from walking too. He asked me what's wrong and I told him that I need to go back to that house. He smiled which was a yes. He let go of my hand, he stood there without moving an inch. I ran back to the house; ringing the bell and waited for the owner to open the door. After waiting for like forever, the door opened. The one that was popping out from the door was...E-Jump?
He looked at me and started to throw tons of questions to me. Something like "What are you doing here?" "What do you want?" "I don't need you, so why are you here?". Maybe I was wrong, I wasn't suppose to be there. He seemed like kicking me out, so I better go before he throws tomatoes or eggs to me. I went back to where GD had left me. And with my surprised, he was still there; standing there while his whole body was trembling like a crazy man. I ran towards his direction, taking off my scarf and wrapped it around his neck. I took his hand and we walked back home. I just couldn't bare to look at him; suffer because of the coldness.
At home, I made him a hot chocolate; turned on the heater and let him rest. I almost cried; looking at him suffering because of me. We were not coming from a rich family, we were just living in a normal family. GD was working to support us both, he was the mother, the father and the brother. All three in one, he must be having a hard time. As I could remember in that dream, he was crying. Leaving dried up tears on his cheeks after a long cry. I was crying along with him; I was comforting him and he did the same to me. We both cried and; he was crying on my chest really hard, he was sobbing and sobbing. I cried on his shoulder, didn't even know why we're crying back then.
He patted on my head, it was like a habit of him patting on my head. He smiled warmly at me, saying that everything will be fine. As long as he is still living on this earth, there will be nothing can hurt me, he will protects me from everything that will hurt me. Believe me, I was totally melt with that. He was concerned about me, loving me more than anything. How I wish I could have him as my brother in the real life. Before he left to his room, he told me that someone will be coming and pay a visit. I wonder who would it be. I couldn't think of anyone.
I opened the door as I heard the door bell rang. The first person I saw was...Yunni?! On her left was Songyee. I was surprised with their appearance. I didn't expect this to be happened. They exactly were standing in front of me; smiling to me. The first thing that came out from her mouth was the word "unnie". I invited them to come in and have a seat. Even though it was a bit awkward for the first time meeting, but I was happy enough to finally meet them. So they were the two who GD meant just now. Yunni and Songyee were so sweet, I was too happy to say anything else other than 'I'm happy". They stayed for quite a while before leaving.
GD came down after the twinie left, he patted on my head again. He smiled sweetly to me; telling me that he loves me more than anything; telling me that he won't leaves me; telling me that he needs me by his side; telling me that not to be sad; telling me that he will always stays by my side. This whole thing just made me jumped into his embrace. He stroked my head gently, leaving me a deep feelings on him. Making me felt like I don't need anyone except for him, only him. Only him; living in the world is enough for me. I love him, more than anything. The one will always be by my side, the one that will protect me from being hurt. GD once said, "In this world, trying to find someone that is important is difficult. Trying to find someone that loves you is even more difficult. If you do find one, treasure; treasure them like I always do to you. Love them, care for them, eventually they will concern and take care of you when I'm not by your side.". I always hate it when he said that he'll leave me. I HATE IT! I don't like it when he said that.
I hate it, but it had already happened. He really left without any goodbye. He left me, how am I going to live when he's gone? How am I going to face the world? Who will I run to when I need someone? Why is he leaving me? I hate him! I hate him! I hate him for leaving me alone... He promised me that he will stay with me, that he will protect me. But why did he broke our promise? He actually died a year ago, the whole things that I was experiencing was all a lie. He wasn't there. I was alone, he wasn't there! I was talking alone, walking alone, smiling alone, eating alone, crying alone. Everything I did was all alone! That was just my imagination, imagination of him being with me the whole time. Maybe I still couldn't face the fact that he was gone. I really couldn't face it. My life is nothing but a miserable life.
This could be the first time I feel like REALLY, REALLY, REALLY having him as my brother. Even though it was just a dream, I really love him. I love him but in a totally different way. I love and care for him. Love him as a sibling but not more. Love him as the one will always stay by my side; comforting me when I am upset. Love him for being a nice and wonderful brother. I love you, Kwon Jiyong...
[p/s: It was just a dream, Ondubu is still my love!^^]
Labels: E-Jump, Faithy, G-Dragon, Yunni
